Listening with Love
Dear Gentle Soul,
When I was a youngster, my father came home from work one day very distraught. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that today he had received news a beautiful young woman he worked with had committed suicide. My father was devastated. He wondered how this charming, smiling, pleasant woman, whom he had just shared an elevator with a few days before, could have been hurting and suffering so intensely to have taken her own life. Those who knew her and worked with her were left to ask why? Why didn’t they know how deeply this human soul was hurting? Like so many who go through life in deep despair, she was a master at hiding her true feelings, putting on a brave front to all those who knew her. I can’t begin to imagine the quiet hell this woman must have been going through on a daily basis where she felt her only relief was to end it all. Such a tragedy.
How many of us have been stunned by the news of someone we knew taking their life because we had no idea that person was in such despair and pain?
It’s not always easy to recognize someone who is fighting internal demons that cause depression and suffering, but we can express basic love and concern for others if we merely learn to “listen with love” to what another human being is trying to tell us through words, through feelings and through actions.
We live in a society where everybody talks, but few listen. Listening to one another, truly listening, without distraction, is surely a lost art. Yet, the world is filled with people, some more desperate than others, who are crying out for someone to hear them, really hear them! This is a desperate and basic need; children have it, young people have it and adults have it.
We need people who are not quick and ready with their easy answers, their hasty advice, their arguments, their exhortations. We need people who will listen long enough to another person to give that person time to begin clarifying his/her thoughts and working out his/her solutions. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Sometimes it will take longer and perhaps require specialized help. But, if nothing else, the person to whom you have listened to intently and emphatically will know that you are on his or her side because you cared enough to hear that person out; and that takes time. But, when that happens, love has found expression.
Listening with the heart
This kind of listening is emphatic listening. It is the attempt to listen fully to what the person is saying with words, with feelings and with body language. It goes into the depths of the person. It hears between the lines. It attempts to stand where that person is standing, to see a situation from that person’s point of view.
This is not easy listening. It is hard, it requires concentration, and it requires patience. It is listening with our total selves to the spoken and unspoken needs of another. It is the kind of listening our world needs so very much, especially now.
The Quiet Gift of Presence
In a world that moves so quickly, where multitasking is celebrated and silence often feels like an interruption, offering your full attention to someone is one of the most sacred acts of love.
True listening is a quiet gift.
It says:
“You matter. Your thoughts are safe here. I want to know your heart.”
This kind of presence doesn’t require grand advice, perfect answers, or solutions to every problem. It simply asks us to be still, to be near, and to be open. It’s often in the stillness between words that someone feels seen—maybe for the very first time.
Listening as a Soulful Practice
Just as we light candles to soften a space, we can soften our interactions by creating space for someone else’s voice to rise. Soulful listening can look like:
- Making gentle eye contact without distraction
- Refraining from interrupting or offering quick fixes
- Nodding, affirming, and welcoming silences
- Asking simple questions like, “What does that feel like for you?”
- Holding space without judgment, even when emotions feel messy or unclear
These are not small things. These are acts of soulful hospitality.
Listening to Yourself, Too
Sometimes the voice most in need of our compassion is our own.
Just as others need to be heard, so do we. That tired whisper inside you, that longing for peace, the ache you’ve tucked beneath your responsibilities—it deserves attention too.
Each morning or evening, consider sitting quietly with yourself, hand over heart, and asking:
- What am I really feeling?
- What do I need today, in this moment?
- What would feel like love to me right now?
By listening inward with kindness, we strengthen our ability to listen outward with empathy.
A Soft Invitation
So today, let this be your gentle invitation:
Slow down. Put down your phone. Look someone in the eye. Ask a meaningful question. And then just…listen.
Because listening is not passive.
It is active, intentional, and holy.
And when done with love, it can heal what we may never fully understand.
Warmly,
Beth